is it me??

I have 2 sons. My oldest Jessy has a son Ryan who is 2 1/2 years old. I try to call the house and never get an answer. Ryan talks now so calling is good because I get to talk to him. Ryan is at the age where he talks if you ask him questions. I live a long way away from him and miss him so much. He is a beautiful child and I wish I was closer to be able to babysit and be with him more. So how come when I call no one answers, no answering machine or anything for me to leave a message to tell him I am thinking of him. Are they busy, not at home, at work or do they just have caller I.D. and not want to hear from me??? I hope it's the previous and not the last but at times I doubt it. To be a grandparent is a wonderful thing. I am very proud to say I am a grandparent unlike alot of people who think they are too young to say that. I have not been the best of the grandparents and will probably never get the grandparent of the year award but I do know that I love my grandchildren. Koen who passed away when he was 2 months old was a very beautiful, loved child. My biggest regret is that I never saw him and held him when he was alive. I never kissed his prescious cheeks or smelled his hair or cuddled him. Regret, how do you go on with that? I guess I have to go on and try to have a relationship with Ryan unfortunately Ryan's mommy and Koen's mommy are two very different people. I receive pictures of Ryan but no real updates on him unless I e-mail and specifically ask. For example: Ryan just had eye surgery and I just found out. He had the surgery to correct a lazy eye and I was not even told. I found out through the grapevine which is very hard. I had asked that she let me know just a month before he had the surgery.
For me I have to just go on and get what I can from her on updates and appreciate the pictures knowing that she does not care if I am ever in Ryan's life.
Thanksgiving was just yesterday so I am being thankful that I have my children, Jessy and Jacob and my grandchildren, Ryan and Koen. Although I am a long way away I will always love them all. My grandchildren are always in my thoughts and prayers and I love them both with all my heart as I do my children. I am thankful this year for the girls who brought these babies to life for me to share and have shared them with me. Thank you!

Going to doctors

I am one of those people that when I go to the doctor it does not bother me. I don't get nervous or anxious even with the dentist. As most women I go to my Gynecologist every year and I have mammograms every year. For the mammogram you are taken to a very small room, given a shawl basically and told to wait. A tech comes along and knocks on one door (there are 2) and takes you into this big room with very strange apperatus. This apperatus is the machine that squeezes you basically in order to get good films of the tissue. No regardless of what some women feel or say for me this is not painful, uncomfortable yes but not painful. When they get all the views they feel is necessary you are sent back to this little room to wait until the Radiologist looks at the films to see if he wants any different views because of any irregularities or differences. When I went this time I waited and I waited, and I waited. After probably half an hour the tech came back and said the Radiologist wanted a couple more views. These were taken and again I was sent back to the little room to wait. Finally, it seemed forever, the Radiologist knocked on the door and said that there were 2 very small spots that were not there previously which was the reason for the extra views. I was told he felt they were just cysts but wanted me to come back again for another mammogram in 6 months. Given all of this my nerves of course were fried. I did manage to go to work and actually get some work done. I know more than likely it's nothing but it still weighs on your mind and throws everything off. So here I am at 2 am writing blogs and watching tv since my brain doesn't want to shut off. When life throws you curves every day you get used to some of it but when it's a huge curve that is totally out of the realm it messes with your total system. You just have to focus on the positive and continue to do what you can to lead a "normal" life. Hang in there baby!! The sun shines every day some place!!

Men and Cupboards

I've lived with and around men my whole life. There is one universal thing I've noticed that they all do. They go to a cupboard for a glass, deodorant, etc., and when done getting what they want they leave the door open. Now I know for myself I have smacked my head probably 100 times from these doors being left open. Why do they leave them open? Are they too distracted by whatever it is that they were doing like pouring water, putting the deodorant on to remember to close the cupboard?? I have no answer for this but I know it is one of those annoying things that will never change. I know I do things that annoy my husband (not really) but is it possible for a guy to close the doors?