Life and Times

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Bittersweet


Today is a day of happiness but also sadness. On this day Koen Michael Hanson was born to Amanda Slone and Jacob Hanson. I was unable to be there but Anita (amanda's mom) kept me up on what was going on with the delivery. Jacob also kept me up on it by calling me. I remember Jacob's voice when he would call, so scared, happy, concerned, feeling lonely (wanting me there). The kids were so incredibly proud of this child. They loved him from conception and wanted him and hoped it would be a boy. I got pictures right to my cell phone as soon as he was born and had to drive 2 miles to get signal enough to receive the pictures Jacob had sent me. What a beautiful baby he was. I am so proud to say that Koen is my grandson. Some have judged me for not being at his birth or being able to see him when he was first born. My finances just didn't allow me to fly to Oregon as much as I wanted to. I received regular pictures of Koen and also got on the webcam with Amanda so I could see Koen although it isn't the same it was the best we could do and I wanted so much to be involved in his life. I remember talking to Jacob about being a father and how proud he was and how much love he felt for this little tiny creature. I remember those days.
Then on February 4th Koen went to sleep in Amanda's lap after nursing and never woke up. SIDS had taken this prescious little child from all of us. The pain of losing him was shared by me, Ron, amanda, jake, anita, kimball and all the rest of the family who had know him or had know jake and amanda or the family. To my surprise there were so many people I had not expected at the funeral. I am so happy to say that their presence was wonderfully rewarding. I hope they know what it meant to all of us to have them there.
I miss this little boy but know that we will all go on as best we can and make lives for ourselves but he will never, never be forgotten or less loved. Happy Birthday Koen I love you!

2 Comments:

  • At December 16, 2009 at 2:10 PM , Blogger Trish said...

    First of all why do you care if someone judges you? Second, you don't need to justify yourself for not being able to make it. Many of the world is separated from family, you do the best you can and that's it. No excuses, and surely not any justification. You are a great mom and a great grandma far away or not.

     
  • At April 26, 2010 at 9:09 PM , Blogger Jaimey said...

    Second what Trish said. :) He is a sweet baby loved. No matter the distance.

     

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