Life and Times

Friday, November 27, 2009

is it me??

I have 2 sons. My oldest Jessy has a son Ryan who is 2 1/2 years old. I try to call the house and never get an answer. Ryan talks now so calling is good because I get to talk to him. Ryan is at the age where he talks if you ask him questions. I live a long way away from him and miss him so much. He is a beautiful child and I wish I was closer to be able to babysit and be with him more. So how come when I call no one answers, no answering machine or anything for me to leave a message to tell him I am thinking of him. Are they busy, not at home, at work or do they just have caller I.D. and not want to hear from me??? I hope it's the previous and not the last but at times I doubt it. To be a grandparent is a wonderful thing. I am very proud to say I am a grandparent unlike alot of people who think they are too young to say that. I have not been the best of the grandparents and will probably never get the grandparent of the year award but I do know that I love my grandchildren. Koen who passed away when he was 2 months old was a very beautiful, loved child. My biggest regret is that I never saw him and held him when he was alive. I never kissed his prescious cheeks or smelled his hair or cuddled him. Regret, how do you go on with that? I guess I have to go on and try to have a relationship with Ryan unfortunately Ryan's mommy and Koen's mommy are two very different people. I receive pictures of Ryan but no real updates on him unless I e-mail and specifically ask. For example: Ryan just had eye surgery and I just found out. He had the surgery to correct a lazy eye and I was not even told. I found out through the grapevine which is very hard. I had asked that she let me know just a month before he had the surgery.
For me I have to just go on and get what I can from her on updates and appreciate the pictures knowing that she does not care if I am ever in Ryan's life.
Thanksgiving was just yesterday so I am being thankful that I have my children, Jessy and Jacob and my grandchildren, Ryan and Koen. Although I am a long way away I will always love them all. My grandchildren are always in my thoughts and prayers and I love them both with all my heart as I do my children. I am thankful this year for the girls who brought these babies to life for me to share and have shared them with me. Thank you!

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